I recently experienced an injury that has taken months to recover from. While a physical injury makes the potential need for help more apparent, asking for help can be a challenge, especially for someone who is fiercely independent. I have come to appreciate the art of asking for and accepting help.

After breaking my hip and kneecap in a ladder accident, I went through the stages of recovery. I was initially using a wheelchair before transitioning to a walker, then to crutches and finally a cane. Having seen the world through the lens of some level of disability, I have a newfound awareness of the big and little ways that our world is not built for people with disabilities. I so appreciated people who had the awareness to recognize when to step in and provide help or offer assistance. The smallest acts of kindness can make a big difference. One example was as simple as someone grabbing towels so I could dry my hands when I was using a walker, and the towels weren’t near the sink.

ACCEPTING OFFERS FOR HELP

Sometimes I didn’t need the help that was offered — while the task may have gotten completed faster, my ability to complete a task, albeit slowly, was a marker of progress on the path toward independence. Much like parenting, it can be hard to sit back and let a child do something that you could do easily and quickly, but that is part of the learning process. Giving the child a chance to overcome a challenge gives them a feeling of pride in their accomplishment. This concept applies to anyone forced to learn new ways of navigating their environment.

At other times, the offer of help was welcomed. I am sure most caregivers, friends and families have performed the delicate balancing act of figuring out when, and when not, to offer assistance. I found it easiest to accept offers for help that were specific and proactive. A friend calling to say “I am going to the grocery store this afternoon, is there anything I can pick up for you?” was a specific offer that worked well since I didn’t feel like they were making a special trip for me.

OFFERING HELP TO OTHERS

Sometimes, as the person who is offering to help, you may need to be a little persistent. Ask a few times but don’t give up if your offer of help is not immediately accepted. It’s important to recognize that while a person may need help, they may also be overwhelmed. It takes a lot of energy to move through each day with many more challenges than they have been used to. Coming up with a list of needs and asking for help takes energy. When you offer assistance, ask open-ended questions and be open to their response to ensure you're offering genuinely useful help.

Phrases to offer help:

• “Do you need a ride anywhere?”
• “Are there any errands I can run for you?”
• "I would be happy to take care of..."
• “Is there anything you need done soon that I can help with?”

ASKING FOR HELP

Asking for help is a whole different skill. It takes courage and planning and can be a humbling experience. I found it helpful to get organized before asking for help. Try to be clear about what you need and give the person you are asking enough time to work it into their schedule. Be specific and direct. For example, “Could you give me a ride to the dentist on Thursday at 10:00? I have already arranged for a ride home.”

Phrases to ask for help:

• "Could you help me with..."
• "Do you mind giving me a hand with..."
• "I could use some help with…”

Often, when people reach out to us as financial advisors, they have a “money disability”. Something in their financial life is not working for them. Money may be a taboo subject in their family, or they may have made money mistakes in the past and are afraid of making another mistake. They may be reluctant to ask for help or unclear about what help looks like. As financial professionals, we learn from our own life experiences. We can learn how to listen better to understand the struggles our clients are experiencing and ask open-ended questions to discover how we can best help them achieve their financial goals.

My experience has reminded me of the importance of patience, respect and gratitude. The healing process goes slowly, and it can be hard work to make progress. Give yourself the grace of time to let your body or mind heal. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it, and graciously accept help when it is offered. Whether you are healing from a physical injury or another type of trauma, there will be times when you take a step back before moving forward again. That, too, is part of the journey.

Remember to thank those who have been part of your journey; it often takes a village to get you to your goal. When faced with challenges, it is a great feeling to know you are surrounded by people who care and are there for you. I want to be part of that community for others when they need me, whether in my role as a financial advisor, caregiver or friend. I am truly grateful to my entire family, and to the friends, co-workers and medical community that have helped me along the way.